I had hoped that the time off these last few days would have brought me a renewed sense of self and the rest I so desired. Instead, the time is quickly closing in when I will have to return to that which makes up my everyday life having found neither as if it were a game of cat and mouse, only to grow tired in the process. In sleep I found little that would bring solace to the mind as the relentlessness of thought continued to race foward even as my body lay dormant. I would awake in the morning as though the hours that had passed were only a few minutes in time. I have accomplished little in the past few days, a time in which should have been a rejuvenation of mind, body and spirit will instead have disappeared with nothing to show for it but the growing restlessness that seems to be a constant companion by my side.
Once again I will be faced with the task of putting on a worthy performance so those around me will not see the struggle going on inside. Contentment seems to becoming an elusive foe and one in which appears to be a worthy opponent. So at least for now, I will put on the mask of satisfaction and strength, for to do otherwise would only invite the wolves to the door in what would surely be a massacre in the stampede that would follow.
I understand this more than you will ever know.
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